Found a video of nephews playing outside.

Watching the scene from Anne Of Green Gables where she serves "raspberry cordial" to Diane... Isabelle says "what are in those jars Mom?" I tell her "2 are juice and 2 are wine". "Why is it called wine Mom?" "I don't know", she says "Oh, I know, because after she drinks it, she whines."

No Babies for This Belly

     Yesterday we had a follow-up appointment with my cardiologist. At that appointment we asked the primary concern "Is there a medication that is safe to take during pregnancy to keep my heart in sinus rhythm?" The answer is "No."
     That was the last question that we needed answered to know that I cannot and will not carry another pregnancy. It is the answer that we expected, but there has been a small glimmer of hope this whole time.
    Now we have clarity on that portion and we have other decisions to make. Are we done with babies? Will we try to adopt a baby? Will we use a gestational carrier?
    Along with those questions come the ethical questions. Is it right to use a gestational carrier or are we playing God? Is it right to spend money to add to your family? Is it wrong to allow our one biological child remain the one and only?
     Only time will tell.

New Words in Her Vocabulary

Today our licensing worker was visiting the house. As she prepared to leave she asked if I had any concerns. Our daughter piped up, "I have concerns."
"Oh really? What is concerning you?"
"I am concerning because my brothers need permission to go to MN with us, and if they don't then they will be here and I will be there and we will be sad."

I didn't know that my 4 year old knew the word concerns, and yet, she used it correctly.

no longer trying not to get pregnant

Hubby and I have been talking to each other for a while about the pros and cons of "trying". I know that he'd love to have a biological son, a namesake. The selfish part of me really wants to try the whole pregnancy/newborn thing again. 

The last time we spoke with the doctor about it, he warned against it. However, I have always struggled with trusting a doctor over allowing God's will. Hubby has been a bit more cautious. I suppose he has more to lose, in a way. After all, if I leave the face of the earth, he is left alone with small children. 

So, the final decision has become, "we'll see what happens"....

What a sweet child

My daughter disappeared, I saw her run into my room, then into her brothers' room, I asked what are you doing, "I'm cleaning".... Huh? So I followed her into her brothers' room, where she has picked up all their toys and is vacuuming with our tiny vacuum.
I left her alone. A few minutes later she says, "Am I doing a good job?" I said "yes, but why?" Her answer makes my heart swell with pride.
"Because, I want to clean it for them and it will make them so happy"

Adventures of the Big Yellow School Bus

Today was a big day in our household. MrBrawn started his first day of public preschool. We all got up early, and then loaded into the car to drive a couple hundred feet to the bus stop. He was so excited. As we got closer to the school bus, though, he clung tighter to my hand. By the time we made it to the doors, I had to pick him up onto the bus.

This was scary for me, too. This baby, whom I’ve been caring for almost a year, had to climb onto a huge school bus, much bigger than I remember them being, then go to a school site, get off the school bus, then be loaded onto a shuttle bus, and then delivered to his school. My heart was anxious as I anticipated his fear and all the newness of school. What if he didn’t know where to go? What if he got lost in the shuffle? What if he wandered off?

As I climbed back into the car the sound of crying startled me. I did not think that MrMonkey would be concerned at all that big brother had just climbed aboard the Big Yellow School Bus. He was. When I dropped him off at his preschool he clung to me, insisting on more kisses and hugs even after I'd given him six of each. When I picked him up he immediately began chattering about the Big Yellow School Bus bringing brother back. 

Today was an early day. He has early days for the first half of the week; Thursday and Friday are full days. True to first day of school form, his bus was nearly an hour late bringing him home. He had fallen asleep just before arriving home. As he wearily climbed off the bus he said to me, “Mom, I was on a couple buses today, I think like 4.” My heart swelled with pride that my 4 year old had gone out into the world and conquered it.